[Because of so many reasons, right? Where to fucking begin.]
because the last time bad shit happened to her i promised i wouldn't leave her again
[But that's not really all. That's not even the half of it.]
i was just so fucking self absorbed doing my own shit i guess i might as well just say it here because she's never going to hear me tell her that i fucking love her
not that it would make a difference if i did but that was all i could think when i found out she was gone
[That answer again. Nathan's starting to calm down. He still feels wretched and guilty but...he's said it. That counts for something.]
i thought she felt the same way about me she said it in those same words anyway and then just fuckin nothing out of nowhere she didn't care anymore
i wouldn't ever ask her to be anyone else or to want to be with me but sometimes i think about how i told her one time i'd change stop being such a goddamn shithead all the time
You aren't one all the time. But... maybe you should be more honest with people. I thought... [She sighs.] I used to think you didn't care about anyone. I know that isn't true. [She says that last part quickly, afraid to give him the wrong idea.] But I think it would be easier on you if you didn't brush things off by joking all the time, you know?
[Like you don't brush everything off by worrying about other people, Tifa.]
[There's a sizeable chunk of time before Nathan responds. Perhaps taking the time to get his composure back. His voice sounds somewhat raw, but calm, at least.]
I'm okay. I'm fine. It's all sorted. Do me a favor and have a good day for me, yeah?
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[But not knowing is so fucking hard, isn't it? Because what if you did know?]
but i could have done something about kelly
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He's never told her about Kelly, though, or... Any of his friends, really.]
Why do you say that?
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[Because of so many reasons, right? Where to fucking begin.]
because the last time bad shit happened to her
i promised i wouldn't leave her again
[But that's not really all. That's not even the half of it.]
i was just so fucking self absorbed
doing my own shit
i guess i might as well just say it here because she's never going to hear me tell her that i fucking love her
not that it would make a difference if i did
but that was all i could think when i found out she was gone
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Oh, Nathan. I'm so sorry, I...
[She trails off, staying silent for a long moment.]
I know it's hard. I've lost people, too. And... I don't think it ever goes away, but it gets... easier. I'm sure she knew you cared about her.
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[That answer again. Nathan's starting to calm down. He still feels wretched and guilty but...he's said it. That counts for something.]
i thought she felt the same way about me
she said it in those same words anyway
and then just fuckin nothing out of nowhere
she didn't care anymore
i wouldn't ever ask her to be anyone else or to want to be with me
but sometimes i think about how i told her one time i'd change
stop being such a goddamn shithead all the time
i didn't change
maybe that's what's really on me
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[Like you don't brush everything off by worrying about other people, Tifa.]
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[Okay, so maybe that's a bit of a flippant response, but his time-sensitive empathy meter is starting to dwindle.]
half the ppl here are complete twats anyhow
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Maybe. But we're friends, Nathan. If you're not doing okay, you can tell me. I won't think any differently of you.
audio
I'm okay. I'm fine. It's all sorted. Do me a favor and have a good day for me, yeah?
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[She doesn't sound very convinced, but she doesn't push him, either.]
Stay safe, alright? I'll talk to you soon.