Would, even, if it wasn't for the way her eyes fall away and the sudden air of awkwardness that falls over them.
And he knows. He's not dense enough not to know, not to have figured it out. In so many ways, he wishes things could be different in that moment. Wishes they were back home, wishes that there weren't so many things standing in the way. Wishes that he could tell her that it's alright. That he knows. That he's always known. That he's ready to start over, to start new, with her at his side. Ready to make up for all of the time they had lost, ready to make things right.
Ready to be there with her, to accept everything she had to offer and to offer it all in return.
But they're not home. They're not and there's so much in their way, so many other things that require their attention.]
Tifa- [Voice soft, gentle, meant only for the two of them.] Don't give up on me, okay?
[She should have never brought this up in the first place, or tried to hint at it. Every time she gets close to telling him, she panics and backs off, and maybe there's a reason for that. As much as Angel says there's no better time to do this but now, Tifa is also fully aware that Angel can be something of a blind romantic, at least about some things. And as much as she tries to convince herself that her worries are unfounded, she still has a laundry list of them. Maybe she should have just trusted her instincts instead of trying to force it. Now she's just made Cloud uncomfortable, and she wishes she could take it back.
His response catches her completely off guard, though, and she glances up, struggling to read his expression in the low light. It's hard to know what he's trying to say, even if she certainly knows what she wants it to mean. Tifa doesn't respond right away, biting her lip for an instant as she thinks, as though repeating that sentence over and over in her head will give her some sort of magical insight. It doesn't, of course.]
What do you mean?
[She keeps her voice low, too, painfully aware that Kunsel could easily overhear them if he wanted to.]
[A small pause, a deep intake of breathe, eyes finally lifting from up and away from that expanse of wall, searching and finding her own in the darkness that surrounded them.]
Don't want you to think I don't want to be with you. Now just isn't the right time.
[For a split second, she looks terribly hopeful, and then he finishes, and...]
Oh.
[It's an odd mix of emotions, relief and elation and disappointment, all at once. He wants to be with her! Just not right now. There's a small part of her that wants to say maybe they could try, if he really feels the same way. Logically, though, she knows that's wishful thinking. There are just too many things standing in the way, and too many unknowns here for them to make it work.
She gets it. She's just not sure what to say in response. Her eyes drop from his and she nods again, suddenly feeling silly. Realistically, what else could she have expected? This wasn't a rejection, though, right? Not really. It's good, mostly, even if it wasn't fully the answer she'd been hoping for.]
[Something clenches painfully deep within his chest, twisting and pounding against his ribs as those eyes fall away, as those words finally come. It's far from perfect, far from ideal, far from what he knows she wants. Nothing within this place was certain. Nothing was promised. Allowing them to be together, to move forward would only make things more painful in the end.
The last thing he wanted to do, had ever wanted to do, was hurt her, to cause her more pain. Yet, somehow, it seemed as if that was all he had ever done. She deserved so much more than that, so much more than him. Someone who was strong enough to protect her, to stay by her side even when things were difficult.
She deserved so much better than him.]
When you go back, stay by my side, alright? I do better when you're there.
[Being disappointed about this seems unfair, somehow. He's being honest, and she knows where they stand, which is all she ever really wanted. And he feels the same way she does! Which is good. This is good, and she's being ridiculous, and whatever negative feelings she's having she just needs to push aside.
She looks up again, smiling softly, and while it might be a little uncertain, at least it isn't forced.]
I can still stay by your side here, too.
[Whether or not her feelings are reciprocated or they're together, he's still her best friend. Leaving was never even an option she considered.]
[It felt close, so dangerously close to something it shouldn't, couldn't be. Not right now, not while they were in this place. It felt so close, and yet-
And yet he couldn't quite stop himself from reaching out, from allowing the backs of gloved fingers to ghost across the chilled expanse of her cheek, slipping over it quickly before retreating. It's difficult to see in the dim glow, but there's a definite smile forming across his features, soft and gentle and rare.]
[It's barely a touch at all, so it shouldn't make her cheeks heat up, or send her heart racing. It does feel dangerous, less like a reassuring gesture and more like... a little bit of something else, especially with the way he smiles at her like that.
She's being so stupid. Tifa takes in a breath, fighting that sudden, ridiculous urge to reach for his hand, and leans back a bit, even as her smile turns into something wider and more silly.]
Okay. Good.
[And then, because it's still bothering her:]
I'm sorry if I... If I made you uncomfortable.
[With the awkward half confessions and hints. She's so bad at this.]
[They're both terrible at this. About using words and communicating. It was a wonder they'd gotten as far as they had, really.]
It's not your fault, Tifa. I just- [A pause, eyes flickering away for the briefest of moments before falling back upon her face.] Don't want you to get hurt.
[This is an impressively honest conversation for the both of them, and for once, she's even brave enough to hold his gaze. His answer, once again, wasn't one she was expecting, and her words come out hesitantly.]
[Because I'm not good enough for you. Because I'm not sure if this is what I really want. Because what if I get sent back? It'll only make it worse on you knowing what we had.
What if you get sent back and I'm left here alone? What if-]
[Pretty awful deflection when it's so obviously a deflection. She frowns, reaching up to toy with an earring as she considers his answer.]
I guess it does.
[She doesn't want to push him to explain, though, because she's not trying to change his mind. She just wishes he'd be a little more honest with her on this part. They were doing so well!]
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Should end it there.
Would, even, if it wasn't for the way her eyes fall away and the sudden air of awkwardness that falls over them.
And he knows. He's not dense enough not to know, not to have figured it out. In so many ways, he wishes things could be different in that moment. Wishes they were back home, wishes that there weren't so many things standing in the way. Wishes that he could tell her that it's alright. That he knows. That he's always known. That he's ready to start over, to start new, with her at his side. Ready to make up for all of the time they had lost, ready to make things right.
Ready to be there with her, to accept everything she had to offer and to offer it all in return.
But they're not home. They're not and there's so much in their way, so many other things that require their attention.]
Tifa- [Voice soft, gentle, meant only for the two of them.] Don't give up on me, okay?
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His response catches her completely off guard, though, and she glances up, struggling to read his expression in the low light. It's hard to know what he's trying to say, even if she certainly knows what she wants it to mean. Tifa doesn't respond right away, biting her lip for an instant as she thinks, as though repeating that sentence over and over in her head will give her some sort of magical insight. It doesn't, of course.]
What do you mean?
[She keeps her voice low, too, painfully aware that Kunsel could easily overhear them if he wanted to.]
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[A small pause, a deep intake of breathe, eyes finally lifting from up and away from that expanse of wall, searching and finding her own in the darkness that surrounded them.]
Don't want you to think I don't want to be with you. Now just isn't the right time.
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Oh.
[It's an odd mix of emotions, relief and elation and disappointment, all at once. He wants to be with her! Just not right now. There's a small part of her that wants to say maybe they could try, if he really feels the same way. Logically, though, she knows that's wishful thinking. There are just too many things standing in the way, and too many unknowns here for them to make it work.
She gets it. She's just not sure what to say in response. Her eyes drop from his and she nods again, suddenly feeling silly. Realistically, what else could she have expected? This wasn't a rejection, though, right? Not really. It's good, mostly, even if it wasn't fully the answer she'd been hoping for.]
I, um...
[Great reply. Nothing really seems adequate, though.]
I understand.
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The last thing he wanted to do, had ever wanted to do, was hurt her, to cause her more pain. Yet, somehow, it seemed as if that was all he had ever done. She deserved so much more than that, so much more than him. Someone who was strong enough to protect her, to stay by her side even when things were difficult.
She deserved so much better than him.]
When you go back, stay by my side, alright? I do better when you're there.
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She looks up again, smiling softly, and while it might be a little uncertain, at least it isn't forced.]
I can still stay by your side here, too.
[Whether or not her feelings are reciprocated or they're together, he's still her best friend. Leaving was never even an option she considered.]
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And yet he couldn't quite stop himself from reaching out, from allowing the backs of gloved fingers to ghost across the chilled expanse of her cheek, slipping over it quickly before retreating. It's difficult to see in the dim glow, but there's a definite smile forming across his features, soft and gentle and rare.]
I think I can handle that.
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She's being so stupid. Tifa takes in a breath, fighting that sudden, ridiculous urge to reach for his hand, and leans back a bit, even as her smile turns into something wider and more silly.]
Okay. Good.
[And then, because it's still bothering her:]
I'm sorry if I... If I made you uncomfortable.
[With the awkward half confessions and hints. She's so bad at this.]
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It's not your fault, Tifa. I just- [A pause, eyes flickering away for the briefest of moments before falling back upon her face.] Don't want you to get hurt.
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Why do you think I would get hurt?
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What if you get sent back and I'm left here alone? What if-]
This place tends to do that.
[-Nice deflection there, Cloud.]
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I guess it does.
[She doesn't want to push him to explain, though, because she's not trying to change his mind. She just wishes he'd be a little more honest with her on this part. They were doing so well!]
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I just- [This wasn't going well at all. On a scale from one to ten, this was definitely rating at a solid eleven.] Need some time.
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It's okay. I understand. I'm not upset, I promise.
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Of course she wasn't upset.
Of course she'd give him all the time he needed.
He just wished he didn't always have to ask for it.]
You've waited a long time. Sure you can wait a little longer?
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[Her smile is back, but it's shy this time.]
It's worth it.